The Tide
by greysantomyyyyyxxxxxx
Summary: She rather just focus on the tide. MerDer angst. oneshot


_**Author's note: My first attempt at pure angst, but it fits my mood. I'm not too sure if I'm going to continue Catalyst. We'll see… for now enjoy the drabble. I'm not too sure where this goes timeline wise, but it pretty much fits post 3.01.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.**_

The wind thrashes around her hair. She looks out into the rough blue water. The deep blue water is almost calming. She focuses on the rolling tide, allowing it to draw her into a trance. She ignores her thoughts and her life and focuses on the water. Everything seems to be easier this way.

She jumps as she feels a firm hand on her shoulder. She looks up to meet his penetrating blue eyes. Her focus shifts back to her life. She wants nothing more than to stare into the tide and just get lost in the horizon. She can't do that though. She has to deal. We always have to deal.

She looks at him for a long while before saying anything. She looks at the way his eyes studies her. She examines his face and the red flush of his cheeks. She studies every detail of his face, in an attempt to take it all in. She swallows hard as she attempts to find her voice.

"Hey," she says, her voice cracking.

"Hey," he responds back. He stands there waiting, waiting for her to say something else, something worthwhile, but she has nothing left to say, nothing that hasn't been said.

She looks back out into the water. There has to be an answer in the endless horizon. Something that will tell her this is all worthwhile. Something that will comfort her. Something that will tell her that she shouldn't go.

"Meredith," he begins. She stops him before he can continue. He doesn't get to speak. He doesn't get to make this harder. If he were to being to talk chances are that she would lose her resolve. She would remember how much she loves him, and right now she just needs to forget.

"I have to do this."

Derek sits down next to her, his body only a few inches away from her. Meredith swears she can feel the soft material of his sweater on his arm. His sent fills her nostrils. It makes her dizzy as it combines with the salt water in the air.

"I see." Derek responds calmly and coolly.

"I'm not strong enough to do this. I just can't. I have to walk away… for all of this. It's just done. I've already made a fool or myself and have lost all respect of my co-workers and members on this program.

Derek doesn't respond because she knows what she's saying is true.

Meredith looks at the tide rolling onto the sand. "I have to do this she repeats," looking to him for something, anything.

Derek sits there taking in the magnitude of the situation. The woman he loves is telling him that she is leaving.

Meredith stares into the blue abyss, tears running down her face. She wipes them away with the grey cashmere material of her oversized sweater. It's a relatively warm, spring evening but Meredith can feel her small frame shake. Meredith feels her resolve breaking and she turns to Derek.

"Tell me not to go, Derek. Give me a reason to stay, Derek, please give me a reason to stay." Meredith is sobbing as she finishes her plea. So much for being strong… He is her reason. He is enough he just needs to say the words.

Derek reaches out and tucks a straw stand of hair behind her ear. "Goodbye, Meredith." Derek rests his hands on the tan, cotton, material of his pants and pushes himself up to his feet.

Meredith feels herself breaking apart inside. It hurts even more than the first time he left her. Her heart literally aches, and Meredith beings to sob uncontrollably. She ignores the curious looks of the tourist walking by them. Derek gives her one final look, and walks away.

Meredith sits on the cold metal bench and cries, watching the sunset on the cold, blue water, still searching for an answer of sort. She knows she'll never find what she's looking for because it doesn't exist, Love is just an illusion. Rather than focus on this newly realized truth, she focuses on the water, which is constant, and unfaltering. The tide will continue to roll in and out, leaving its marks on the soft sand, and Meredith's heart would continue to beat, although she's not really sure why.


End file.
